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Author Topic: Help with english translation  (Read 8567 times)

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Mac

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Help with english translation
« on: August 12, 2005, 08:59:12 AM »

Hi,

we are about to release a demo for our upcoming game 'Looky - The adventure'. The last thing that is to do (or so I hope) is to get rid of misspellings and grammatical chaos in the STRING.TAB file I've made. My english I learned at school got very rusty I have to confess.

So if anyone has too much free time, is bored or something like that it would be really nice to take a look or two at this file

http://mac-bs.de/bullsoft/deutsch/download/STRING.TAB

and tell me where it has it's awful parts.

Thanks a lot beforehand

Regards
Mac
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Nihil

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Re: Help with english translation
« Reply #1 on: August 12, 2005, 05:46:13 PM »

From what I can say everything looks okay. But then, my school days are long gone, too ;-)

Clam

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Re: Help with english translation
« Reply #2 on: August 18, 2005, 02:42:25 AM »

I'm a native English speaker, perhaps I'll look at it.  I just glanced at the first parts...most of it looks really good, some small issues exist though.  I'll post again with my results.


-Clam
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Clam

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Re: Help with english translation
« Reply #3 on: August 18, 2005, 03:15:09 AM »

I looked through most of the first third or so, up through line 172.  Here's my results.  If you want me to keep going, I'd be happy to do that, just say so.

SYSENG1007   It lies in front of me yet.

I don't know what this is for, but it sounds a bit awkward.

SYSENG0503   Back to the market place

"market place" -> "marketplace" or "market"

SYSENG1010   The people throw money into it and wish themselves something.

More natural -> "People throw coins into it and wish for something"

SYSENG1012   This color glass window shows a picture of the holy salami.

Colored church windows are called "stained glass"

SYSENG1019   I can't risk to get a wet tail under no circumstances.

This line needs a bit of explanation before any fixing can be done to it.

SYSENG1020   As long as there's any water in the well, I have no chance to get the money.

More natural -> "As long as there's water in the well, there's no way I can get the money."

SYSENG1021   That coins were thrown in by worms that wished themselves something.

If this is talking about the coins in the well, it should start out "these coins" or "those coins"

SYSENG1022   I don't want to bath right now, sorry.

"bath" -> "bathe".

SYSENG1030   But I should not brake in here anyway.

"brake" -> "break"

SYSENG1034   That's Jadan Haudruff, this islands blacksmith.

"islands" -> "island's"

SYSENG1037   My bed. We share a lot of our time.

More natural -> "We spend a lot of time together"

SYSENG1066   It surely has flown there during the explosion.

More natural "It must have flown there during the explosion."

SYSENG1120B   Even if I would need it, it would be to big and heavy.

"to -> "too"

SYSENG1120D   Zack Maggoty made them. He the best adress for wood works.

This doesn't make sense to me.

SYSENG1120F   Zack Maggoty the joiner of this island isn't around at the moment.

"carpenter" is much more common than "joiner".  I think joiner is a bit out of date.  You may want to change "joinery" to "wood shop" or "carpenter's shop". Also, the sentence should have commas, like this:

"Zack Maggoty, the joiner of this island, isn't around at the moment."

SYSENG1126   Em ... what should I do with them ... bite in two ?

"bite in two" -> "bite them in two"

SYSENG1130   O.K., I get myself some of this sand ...

"I get" -> "I'll get"

SYSENG1131   ... but I guite not know what to do with it.

"guite not" -> "don't really"

SYSENG1133   This is the pumping station of market island. It supplies the water for the hole island.

"hole" -> "whole"

SYSENG1134B   Even if the landing tree was not that comfortable.

I have no idea what this means.
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Mac

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Re: Help with english translation
« Reply #4 on: August 18, 2005, 11:30:12 AM »

Wow.

I'm head down looking straight to the ground as I write this because I'm very ashamed. My english teacher would strangle me if he would know of this. I haven't thought that there are so many errors in it. I thank you very much for your work and I would really be happy if you could proof read the rest, too. I don't really believe that the amount of errors will get less to the end of the file ...

Some explanations:

Quote
SYSENG1007   It lies in front of me yet.

I don't know what this is for, but it sounds a bit awkward.

Looky says that if you want to call the boat although it is already there. The whole context is this:

I don't need to wait for a boat.
It lies in front of me yet.

Quote
SYSENG1019   I can't risk to get a wet tail under no circumstances.

This line needs a bit of explanation before any fixing can be done to it.

He says that if you want him to get the coins out of the well if it is full of water. The complete speech part is:

I can't risk to get a wet tail under no circumstances.
As long as there's any water in the well, I have no chance to get the money.

Quote
SYSENG1120D   Zack Maggoty made them. He the best adress for wood works.

This doesn't make sense to me.

This is what Looky says if he looks at the wooden wheels leaning at the join... err... carpenter's shop. I wanted to say that Zack is the first man you should go to if you have any wood works to be done.

Quote
SYSENG1134B   Even if the landing tree was not that comfortable.

I have no idea what this means.

Looky flies through the air and lands in a tree. And that tree was not a good place to land. How could I say it instead ?


Hope this helps you.

Thank you very much.
I'm off to correct all these embarrassing bugs ...

Mac
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Scout

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Re: Help with english translation
« Reply #5 on: August 27, 2005, 02:15:15 PM »

I don't think you should be embarrassed by anything here - even professional translators often need a helping hand.  Last year I script edited the English version of The Westerner which had been translated from the original Spanish.  There was nothing wrong with the translated English as such, it had simply lost the style and flair of the original.

If you want to have someone polish the English version so that it has it's own identity and natural feel, you need to use someone who will go beyond just the literal interpretation.

For instance, the line, SYSENG1010   The people throw money into it and wish themselves something.
You could write as "People throw in money and make a wish."  or "You could make a wish, but don't forget to throw in some money first." or other variations depending on the style of the character/narrator who's speaking.

Think about the character who's speaking at all times.
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Deloria

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Re: Help with english translation
« Reply #6 on: June 23, 2006, 11:13:08 PM »

I can speak both German and English fluently, may I take a look at the german version?
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Rocco

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Re: Help with english translation
« Reply #7 on: June 27, 2006, 04:32:23 PM »

sorry for threadhijacking
« Last Edit: June 27, 2006, 04:34:47 PM by Rocco »
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Deloria

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Re: Help with english translation
« Reply #8 on: July 07, 2006, 05:43:27 PM »

Klar. :D Mache ich gern.

Edit: Das File scheint beschädigt zu sein.  :-\
« Last Edit: July 07, 2006, 06:41:25 PM by Deloria »
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Rocco

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Re: Help with english translation
« Reply #9 on: July 20, 2006, 10:57:25 AM »

Ohh super, hab schon länger nicht mehr reingeschaut.
der download müsste jetzt funktionieren, bitte versuch den download nochmal
-> Mystic Triddle Demo
hier die string.txt und die readme.txt -> http://www.virtual-illusion.com/rocco/string.zip
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Mac

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Re: Help with english translation
« Reply #10 on: July 20, 2006, 05:18:58 PM »

Hollahi,

hab' durch Zufall gerade gesehen das der alte Thread wieder lebt.

@Deloria:
Wenn Du Lust hättest in die deutsche Version reinzuschauen (die mittlerweile keine Demo mehr ist, sondern nicht weit von der Fertigstellung entfernt), sollte ich Dich eventuell vorher warnen: Das Spiel hat im Moment um die 2.700 Dialogzeilen, was bedeutet: Sehr viel Arbeit (allein schon um sich einen Überblick zu verschaffen). Ansonsten würden wir uns natürlich sehr freuen.

MfG
Mac
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Deloria

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Re: Help with english translation
« Reply #11 on: July 21, 2006, 05:07:31 PM »

Würd ich gerne machen, aber bitte verlang es nicht sofort. :P
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Rocco

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Re: Help with english translation
« Reply #12 on: July 21, 2006, 05:16:39 PM »

meinst du mich oder mac??
bei mir sinds nur rund 200 zeilen, wo oft auch nur ein zwei wörter stehen.
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Deloria

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Re: Help with english translation
« Reply #13 on: July 22, 2006, 10:22:21 PM »

Ich meinte bei Mac. :P
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Mac

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Re: Help with english translation
« Reply #14 on: July 24, 2006, 07:03:29 AM »

Super.

Du entscheidest natürlich selbst, wann Du das machen willst. Melde Dich einfach bei mir wenn Du Zeit und Lust hast.

MfG
Mac
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